Not of You
by Fragile-Strength
Summary: Now that she was invincible, indestructible, suicide was a constant thought. paire


_AN--- Okay, so. My foray into Heroes; which I have recently fallen madly, ridiculously in love with. I hope you all will welcome me into the Heroes and Paire (because, surprise!, I love that, too) circle of looveeee. _

_Anything you recongize, I don't own._

_This is dedicated to **stolenkisses87, **who is already turning out to be the best Heroes beta ever, if not the best beta in the world, period._

_Review and the Heroes writers will smile down upon the Paire ship, and hopefully send Caitlin and West (or, at the very least, Caitlin) to horrible deaths. Yay!_

_Note; Well, don't _I _feel silly? I didn't edit my AN, and originally posted 'This is dedicated to stolenkisses87, who is already turning out to the best Heroes beta ever, if not the worst in the world'. I didn't mean it! It was late! Read the revised version and don't think too badly of me. :P_

* * *

It didn't seem fair, somehow, that the world was collapsing around her and she got to (had to?) survive it.

There seemed to be no honor among thieves (or super heroes or innocent citizens) anymore. Everyone was betraying everyone else (everyone was killing everyone else) and if she had to take much more of it, she was going to explode (not that it would hurt her, much less kill her).

But it was better, now. She'd met her parents (and her grandparents and, unfortunately, her uncle) and she was safe. Dad had done his best, and now her grandmother and father and (unfortunately her uncle) were going to protect her in his place.

Still. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to have to watch the world shatter (hear it, smell it, taste it, _feel_ it,) but she couldn't stop it (she couldn't help it).

And yet she could (would she?).

Funny (or rather, not so funny), but she hadn't sat down and seriously considered suicide until she lost the tapes of the attempts that she and Zach had made (oh Zach, she missed him so much).

As a child, (back when she didn't know she couldn't die) there was never any consideration on whether or not suicide was really an option. But now (now that she knew she was invincible, indestructible), suicide was a constant thought (almost as constant as that of survival.).

And of course she'd thought it out (it all became so clear when Peter died), and she knew what to do. Simply lodge a bullet in her brain (or a piece of glass, perhaps? How poetic) and demand that no one remove it (as though there was a possibility they might respect her 'final' wish).

And for a while there (certainly not much more then a week but still so regretfully long), it _was_ more constant then life. Her heart beat to the mere thought of release, (su-i-cide, su-i-cide, su-i-cide) and her head was clouded with it.

She was sure she had been stripped of everything important to her, (for a while she had forgotten Mom and Dad and Lyle as she sat in her room and cried and cried and cried), and after that life didn't matter anymore, did it?

Nathan didn't help. In moments of weakness (extraordinary weakness, of course, these days she was always weak) she would call him, looking for comfort and reassurance (and lies, lies that her family didn't know to tell her).

"Listen, Nathan, he can regenerate, can't he? And nothing actually blew up, so nothing would have been lodged in him so how is it even _possible _that he's dead?"

_Click._

"Nathan, were you still over New York when you dropped him? 'Cause if so, doesn't that mean that he should still be somewhere in New Y-"

"Claire, please!" _Click._

"Nathan, look, my dad says The Company has a fantastic tracking system - he says it _just finds you_, no strings attached - couldn't we ask The Company to look for h-"

"Claire!"

"Nathan."

"He's dead, Claire. I watched him blow up. He's not coming back."

"But he can regenerate, Nathan! _I_ can regenerate and he _knows_ me, so _he_ can regenerate!"

"He told me once that he had to be thinking of the person with the power he needed to use in order to use their powers. Face it, Claire; his last thoughts were not of you. Just move on. I have - why can't you?"

_Click._

_---Cayenne_


End file.
